Whenever You Remember
by kylie1206
Summary: Fic from RP Journal. In the verse for the fic, Leonard McCoy has Xenopolycythemia and is married to Christine Chapel. Angst fic dealing with a life threatening illness.


_Whenever you remember, I'll be there_

_Remember how we reached that dream together  
Whenever you remember_

When you think back on all we've done  
I hope you're proud

* * *

"I want you to remember all our good times. All our times, actually, even the bad. Because they made us; we got through them all and look, look at what we had. A love like... like nothin' else I've ever known. An amazin' lil' boy who is goin' to need his Momma now more than ever. An' you, you're goin' to make me proud, I know. Th' best Momma he could ask for, I know it. I know you'll doubt yourself. I know you'll have days when it feels like too much but just remember; no matter what, I believe in you. I know you're capable of so much more than you'll ever see yourself able to do.

I'm proud of you. Of our boy. Of us. Of everything we've ever done together, of everything we had. Are you proud too? I want you to be. You have every reason to be, Christine."

A smile and he turned of the video camera for the fifth time that evening, finally satisfied with himself. She knew he was making a series of movies for her, for David, in the event of his death. Every day, that event grew closer, and closer and he felt it in himself. In the way he ached when he tried to push too far too fast. In the way he felt his tired body protest at his demands it rose and woke in the morning.

He would fight it tooth and nail to the end. A trooper, determined to be there for his family. He was nowhere near ready leaving her, leaving David, and leaving Joanna. He'd made her a couple of little videos too. Nothing of substance as such, other than his declarations of love for the people he loved. Stolen moments of life that they had taken for granted until realisation and reality hit, making it something suddenly so very important.

The worst part of this, was leaving her. He knew Christine would find his death difficult and he hated that he couldn't just take her pain away, kill that off rather than himself. He believed in her but he knew half the battle he had left was getting her to believe in herself. For all her confidence usually in her work, this would make her question far too much of what she had achieved and could do. He needed her to be strong, to keep her belief. The universe would lose something of far more importance than his life if she lost her self belief.

He was selfish, he knew. He wanted her there till his dying day, by his side, holding his hand and loving him with every breath she took, just like he would do with her. He wanted to create more memories for her, for him to take with him in his final days. The days where he would be nothing more than a shell of his former self, with nothing but a bed and a number at heavens gate left. He wanted to give her reason to laugh again, to smile the smile that he had fallen in love with the moment he first saw it. That was despite the fact he saw her smiling across a medical bay with someone other than himself, after tearing him a new one for his attitude. Even then, he was firmly under her enchanting spell.

Some days, even now, even with the horror of his illness in his reality, he had to pinch himself to remind himself of the fact that it had all been real. That yes, she had agreed to a date with him. That her lips did indeed taste like the sweetest candy with a hint of home. That she had said yes to his proposal and looked nothing short of radiant when he had married her. That they had gone through nine months of pregnancy to get the greatest gift of them all to share; their baby boy.

Every single time he pinched himself we was reminded of the fact that somehow, somewhere along the line, his luck had come good and he really had hit the jackpot. He'd never been a gambling man, but he felt like a man that had won the biggest pot of gold of them all. Even with his illness. Regardless of how this was tearing him away from her much too soon, he would never change a moment of their time together. Each memory, each little moment meant something special to him. He hoped it would be those memories that would help her get by when he was snatched from her before his time. Because in her memories, he would always be there with her, in her heart and mind without a shadow of a doubt.

When he crept into bed to rejoin her, wrapping himself around her like he had done for every single night he'd had with her by his side before, he murmured a soft whisper of love to her and settled to sleep. For now, she still had all of him. Body, mind and soul.

And always the memories.


End file.
